Audiobooks Don't Count as Reading and other Hot Takes
12 strong opinions guaranteed to make me look like a fool
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“I support crime on the subway.” So says a taxi driver, with just a little tongue in cheek. I’ve been binging
and his subwaytakes videos where he interviews strangers on the subway, asking them their Hot Take.
Hot Takes have become my new favorite mode of delivery. Concise, funny, controversial, and often ripe with faulty logic, the Hot Take is made for debate and disagreement.
A single Hot Take would make for the basis of a good article, but instead of dwelling on one, I’m putting forth, for better or worse, twelve Hot Takes in rapid succession. Some of the people I respect most feel completely different about multiple items on this list, so please know that I mean none of this personally (sorry Nate, Mom, JRay, and more).
Mildly Hot Takes
Hot Take 1: Refusing to merge is the worst social infraction
There are plenty of egregious minor crimes that make me want to shout, as George Costanza once did, “WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY!”, but none more than folks who drive around past an obviously merged lane of traffic, say at rush hour at an exit, or in a construction zone, and then try to cut in line at the last conceivable second. Throw them all in jail.
Hot Take 2: People need to move on from The Office
The Office is one of the greatest comedies of all time. But it’s time for everyone to move on. Enough with the memes, enough with Dunder Mifflin paraphernalia. Unfortunately, a new generation of college students binge the show and keep it in the cultural spotlight. Just the other day, a missionary got up to introduce herself at Church, and the only statement she made on her personally is her love of The Office. What once was a shorthand for good taste is now a shorthand for having no originality.
Hot Take 3: Tech companies are more boring than they think they are
I interned for three tech companies in college, so I feel I speak from experience, here. Tech combines “we’re changing the world” rhetoric with a weird blend of nerdy, frat-boy culture, all while adopting a self-aggrandizing posture. Project management software and tech-enabled self-storage have yet to change the world. Not only is the product often boring, but at the end of the day, working at a tech company is just work. A bunch of other industries already know this and don’t spend half their time stroking their own ego and talking about their core values.
Moderately Hot Takes
Hot Take 4: General Conference talks would be 100% better if they were 10% more entertaining
I’m not saying the content isn’t valuable or that important truths can’t be felt. I’m just saying the delivery is often a snoozefest. I get why. The Church doesn’t want to distract from the message. No one is a professional minister, either. But our sermons are too bland, repetitive, and told in the same voice that everyone seems to adopt from the pulpit. That’s why speakers like Elder Holland are so revered. They switch up the tone, add a little fire, and become effective spokespeople. Furthermore, if you watch clips of the Brethren talking to Church leaders or get to witness them speak in a more intimate setting, they are almost always way more engaging than a General Conference address. We could stand for a little more pizazz at the Church-wide level. All I’m asking is for 10%.
Hot Take 5: Sad literature is better than happy literature
This isn’t a surprise to anyone who knows my literary taste. I have nothing against a happy ending, but stacked up against each other, sad, depressing literature beats happy literature almost every time. Literature should be a vehicle to explore hard topics exactly because it’s not real life. If you want happiness, call a friend, take a walk, eat a cookie. As my favorite author and the king of dark literature Cormac McCarthy once said, “If it doesn’t concern life and death, it’s not interesting.”
Hot Take 6: Caravanning is the worst
This oddly specific Hot Take may be the opinion I’m most passionate about. By caravanning, I mean traveling a long distance in a car with one or more other cars to the same destination. Coordinating departure times, rest stops, speed, and navigation around slow drivers and big trucks make caravanning a total nightmare. You’re tied down by the least capable driver in the group. Why do we act like something terrible will happen on the road? Let everyone leave by themselves, drive their own speed, and take their own stops. I’ll see you at the destination.
Certified Hot Takes
Hot Take 7: Rodeos are animal cruelty
I’ve believed in this Hot Take since I was about 4 years old when I got dragged to a rodeo in Joseph, Utah. The men kicked the horses and provoked the bulls, causing little Miles to cry. Well, 25 years later, I still fail to see the fun of rodeos.
Hot Take 8: Soda drive-thrus are shameful
I’m talking Swig, Sodalicious, basically the Utah phenomenon that swaps an alcohol addiction with a soda addiction. Not only are the prices absurd—it’s just sugar water sugar syrup, oh, and throw in a sugar cookie—but the whole thing is a public health nightmare. Shame on Utah!
Hot Take 9: Slim/skinny jeans are better than any other jeans
The early 2010s had it right. Fashion peaked with slim-fitted jeans. That we’ve regressed back to boot cuts, bell bottoms, and ridiculously wide straight legs is a cultural abomination. Worst still, skinny jeans are now mocked! How could this be? Who has blinded a generation? People look objectively better in slim jeans.
Extra Hot Takes
Hot Take 10: Audiobooks don’t count as reading
Here’s my basic issue with audiobooks: multi-tasking. The act of reading requires focus, doubling back, pausing to ponder, all things that are impossible to do when you’re listening to an audiobook. Reading is a sacrifice of time. You give up the phone, work, and conversation because you believe in the value of the written word. Audiobooks are a listening activity, akin to a podcast. They are still entertaining, still a good way to get a story. They may even be a better user experience for certain genres (like Business or Pop-Pscychology)! But they ain’t reading.
Hot Take 11: Owning a dog is overrated
I know I need to tread carefully, here. Are dogs cute? Yes. Can you develop a close bond with them? Yes. That said, I think owning a dog is overrated. They shed, smell funny, and invade your personal space. Then there’s the cost. It seems that today, more than ever before, dogs get human treatment. Gourmet food, expensive medical care, daycares. Traveling when you own a dog is costly and inconvenient. Finally, I think dogs are a social phenomenon. There’s a weird mimetic peer pressure to have a dog, and frankly, many people aren’t good dog owners.
Hot Take 12: Adults shouldn’t make a big deal about their birthday
A birthday is a significant milestone, one of the most natural turning points of a year or even a decade. Naturally, they’re a time to reflect and set goals. Birthdays are worth commemorating, whether with gifts, phone calls, or a nice meal. But is it cause for a major celebration? Not so much. And asking others to make a big deal of your birthday is immature.
Whew! That’s enough Hot Takes from me for a while. Do you strongly agree or disagree with any? Let me know. Have a Hot Take of your own you want to share? Put it in the comments.
If you want a fun topic of conversation with a spouse or friend, ask them for their Hot Takes and share a few of your own. Mickelle and I were cracking up all night sharing ours back and forth.
Six Photos from the Last Month
Great post! I’m still holding out hope you are going to come around on dogs. Love the pics!
I loved this read, even if I was targeted from the outset! A couple of mine:
- Hostile mergers are the worst, but so are people who merge early when a lane is ending. Zipper!
- Temple garments should be free.
- (I know this one will get under your skin) Try as I might, I can’t manage to get into Seinfeld. It seems like a fine show, but has an overblown spot in our cultural pantheon.
- There’s rarely a time when you should wear a shirt and tie without a jacket. It always looks better with a finishing top layer. It’s better to wear a jacket and no tie than a tie and no jacket. Of course I willingly ignore this one almost every Sunday these days, kids with messy fingers can cause a lot of damage to dry-clean-only jackets haha.